Introduction
We are designed to have deep
relationships. Human beings are
inherently social creatures. Even shy
people who prefer to be alone most of the time need the companionship of other
people from time to time. That’s the way
God made us. We were made to have deep
relationships with God and with other people.
We find those relationships through
our family, our friends, in romantic relationships, and with other people. Today, I would like to talk about an
important type of relationship—deep relationships at work.
Do you realize you may spend more
time with your co-workers than most other people in your life? Depending on your job, it can even rival the
amount time you spend with your spouse and children. Consider, if you work full time, you might spend
about eight hours a work day with your co-workers while you might only spend
five to seven hours awake with your
family. That’s a sobering reality that
should remind you to make the most of your family time. It also shows how influential your work
relationships are to your life. Make
sure the relationships you have at work—where your spend so much of your
time—are a positive influence on your life.
Not only do you spend a lot of time
with your co-workers, how you relate to them also affects your success at
work. You cannot reach your full
potential at work unless you cultivate deep relationships with your
co-workers. Your technical expertise is
one aspect of your work success, but your success depends on your relationships
more than you may know.
Healthy
work relationships are built upon trust, mutual respect, integrity, open
communication, and common goals. When
you trust the people you work with, you can better communicate, collaborate,
and work as a team. How effective can
you really be if you feel you always have to “watch your back” at work? How can you work as a team with people you
don’t respect or feel don’t respect you?
How can you do your job well if you can’t communicate openly with your
coworkers? How can your organization
succeed if its workers don’t share common goals?
Deep relationships at work are vital.
The Bible
is not a business manual, but biblical principles about relationships apply at
work as well as they do at home. Listen
to what the Apostle Paul wrote in Romans 12:15-18 as you think about how these
principles might apply with your co-workers.
Romans 12:15-18
15 Be happy with those who are happy,
and weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with each other.
Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you
know it all!
17 Never pay back evil with more
evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18 Do all that you can to live in
peace with everyone.
Building Better
Relationships at Work
The Apostle Paul’s advice applies in many areas of life. It is especially appropriate for work
relationships. Isn’t it amazing how the
Christian faith enhances all your relationships—even your work relationships?
When we genuinely seek to follow Christ’s example at work, we build
loyalty, respect, communication, and cooperation. Everyone wins.
Since strong,
healthy relationships are so important for success at work, I want to give you
some ideas to build better relationship with your co-workers. There is a very helpful website called
MindTools.com that offers free, practical, straightforward skills to help
people excel in their career. Much of
what they say rings true with my own experience working in both the secular and
church world. Here are six practical ways
I gleaned that you can use to build better relationships with your co-workers.[i]
Make Time to Build Relationships at Work – Romans
12:15 says, “Be happy with those who are happy,
and weep with those who weep.” In other words, care
about the people with whom you work. You
will always get more from people who know you care. Make a point to devote part of every
day to relationship building. It doesn’t
have to be a lot of time. Even 20
minutes a day, broken up into five-minute segments can make a big difference. Stop by someone's office during lunch, write
a thank you note or comment on a coworker’s Facebook page, ask a co-worker out
for a quick cup of coffee. These little
interactions build the foundation good relationships at work. A classic book that can teach you how to build
relationships is How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale
Carnegie.
Appreciate Others – Everyone needs to
feel appreciated. Show your appreciation
whenever you can—whether it is your boss or the person who cleans your office. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says, “Be thankful in all
circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”
Look for ways to genuinely compliment
people at work. Spend more time thanking
and praising and your coworkers will be more open to the times you need to ask
for help, give constructive criticism, or face a difficult problem. Sincere appreciation leads to loyalty, trust,
and great work relationships.
Be Positive – Philippians 4:8 says, “Fix
your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely,
and admirable.” Focus on being positive
as much as you can. Positivity is
attractive and contagious and will help strengthen your relationships with your
colleagues. No one wants to be around someone who's negative all the time. Laugh.
Have fun. Take your job
seriously, but don’t take yourself too serious.
Be the kind of person people enjoy working with.
Maintain Healthy Boundaries – Robert
Frost wrote in his poem Mending Wall, “Good
fences make good neighbors.” Good
boundaries at work make good coworkers.
It’s good to help your coworkers and have them help you, but everyone
should be responsible for their own work.
And remember, the primary reason you are at work is to work.
Your friendships with co-workers should support your ability to work,
not hinder it. Healthy boundaries keep
your work friends from negatively impacting your performance. Friendships at work have dynamics that are
more delicate than friendships outside of work.
Remember, your coworkers may have different personal values, ethics, and religious views than you. Be careful. Be mindful. Keep it professional and don’t let your
personal life damage your professional career.
Avoid Gossip – Proverbs 11:13 says, “A
gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a
confidence.” Proverbs 25:23 says, “…a
gossiping tongue causes anger!” And
Proverbs 26:20 says, “…quarrels disappear when gossip stops.” Many of the conflicts that injure relationships,
hinder productivity, and damage careers could be avoided if only gossip was
banished from the workplace. If you have
a conflict with someone at work, talk directly to the person. This will build trust, loyalty, and
cooperation. Talking behind their back
will only make the problem worse and rarely solves the core issue. So don’t gossip!
Communication – James 1:9 says, “…let
every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” That’s a beautiful description of effective
communication.
Stay calm and listen twice as much as you speak. Communication is important in all
relationships. It is essential in work
relationships. Communication keeps you
in touch with your coworkers’ lives, but it is also fundamental to cooperation
at work. You need to communicate often
and well to ensure everyone understands the common tasks you must accomplish
together. Bad communication causes
frustration, mistrust, and poor work performance.
Difficult
Relationships
Colossians 3:23 says, “Work willingly
at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for
people.” There is one thing about work
relationships: sometimes you have to work with people you don’t really like or
can’t relate to. But for the sake of
work, you have to have a relationship.
How do you do it?
Maintain a professional relationship with them. You don’t have to be their best buddy, but
you do have to work with them. You might
be able to limit your interactions with them, but be careful. Don’t avoid them all together. When you avoid talking with people you
dislike at work, it can handicap you—especially if you need that person’s
help. Why set up obstacles for yourself
where you work? You need all the help
you can get. Don’t limit yourself with
bad communication.
Instead of avoiding the problem,
try to be proactive. Take the
sacrificial attitude of Christ as much as you can. Reach out to them and have conversations. Perhaps you could even go to lunch together. As you talk, try to focus on the things you
have in common instead of your disagreements.
Ask them about their background, their interests, their greatest
successes. You don’t have to become best
friends, but you do need to be able to work together.
On the other hand, what if you just can’t have a good
relationship with your co-workers? What
if they are just not the kind of people you can trust and respect? What if communication with them is always
going to be a very difficult chore? What
if your coworkers have no integrity? What
if you just don’t have many common goals?
If after serious thought you feel your work relationships at a
particular organization are always going to be strained, it might be time to
look for another job. Remember, you are
likely to devote a significant amount of your life to your work—possibly as
much or more than you give to your family and personal friends. Why would you want to work at a place where too
many of the relationships are bad? It
might be time to take a leap of faith and plan a change.
In this case, I would not recommend quitting in an angry
rage. However, you can pray for God’s
direction and help, start looking for other opportunities, and go somewhere
else where you can have better work relationships where everyone will benefit.
Conclusion
God wants us to have deep
relationships in every area of our lives—at home, at work, at church, with our
friends. Deep relationships are part of
our DNA. However, our relationships will
be limited if we do not have a healthy relationship with God through Jesus
Christ. There is a longing in our soul
that only God can fulfill. No other
relationship can take its place. Friendships,
families, marriages, & careers are damaged when people look to them for the
fulfillment only God can provide.
If you want better friendships, if
you want to fix your marriage, if you want a healthier family, if you want a
better career, I implore you: come to
Jesus and let him heal your soul. As
Matthew 6:33 says, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and
all these things shall be added unto you.”
[i]
For more information from a great article about building relationships at work
by MindTools.com, see https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/good-relationships.htm
