You know, I like to plan ahead on my messages. If you read David's article in the newsletter, he shared how I usually plan months ahead for what I’m going to preach on each Sunday. That way, he can plan the songs to go along with it. But every now and then, the Lord just grabs me and says, "I need you to change what you were planning." That’s what He did today, based on the Bible study we had on Thursday. We were talking about forgiveness, and the Lord said, "You need to preach on forgiveness today." And so, that’s what we’re going to do.
Forgiveness is a key, central theme in the Christian faith. It’s not optional. It’s one of those core things. It’s as central to our faith as the cross we adorn our churches with and often wear as necklaces. In fact, the cross should remind us every time we look at it that forgiveness is central to our faith.
Unfortunately, because it is so central—and because we talk about it so often—I think most people, even longtime, faithful Christians, often misunderstand what forgiveness truly is. So today, the Holy Spirit is urging me to preach on forgiveness. And I ask ahead of time for your forgiveness if this message goes a little long. This is what the Lord has given me to say, and we’ll also celebrate Holy Communion afterward.
Matthew 18:21-35
21 Then Peter came to him and asked,
“Lord, how often should I forgive someone[a] who sins against me? Seven
times?”
22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus
replied, “but seventy times seven![b]
23 “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven
can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with
servants who had borrowed money from him. 24 In the
process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars.[c] 25 He
couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his
children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.
26 “But the man fell down before his
master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it
all.’ 27 Then his master was filled with pity for him, and
he released him and forgave his debt.
28 “But when the man left the king, he
went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars.[d] He grabbed him by the throat
and demanded instant payment.
29 “His fellow servant fell down
before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will
pay it,’ he pleaded. 30 But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He
had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.
31 “When some of the other servants
saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything
that had happened. 32 Then the king called in the man he
had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt
because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy
on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ 34 Then
the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his
entire debt.
35 “That’s what my heavenly Father
will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters[e] from your heart.”
Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive. Rabbis taught three times. Peter thought he was being generous by suggesting seven. Jesus responded with seventy-seven or seventy times seven—meaning endlessly.
In the parable, Jesus was teaching about us and God. We are the servants who cannot repay our debt to God. Yet God forgives us completely. And He calls us to do the same for others.
Whenever I’ve preached on this topic over the past 25 years, it gets the most feedback and the most resistance. People struggle with it deeply. They ask, "You mean to tell me I have to forgive my ex-wife? My abusive father? The person who assaulted me?"
I understand. It’s a hard word. But it’s a true word. And it’s central to our faith.
True forgiveness is releasing resentment and the desire for revenge. It’s choosing to offer grace and let go of the offense.
Here’s the key point: Forgiveness is something you do for your own benefit, not the person you’re forgiving.
People often get hung up here. They think forgiving someone is a gift to the offender. But it’s not. It’s a gift to yourself. It sets you free.
Jesus used a financial example to help us understand. Imagine someone owes you a trillion dollars. There’s no way they can repay it. You can hold onto the debt and let it eat you up, or you can release it. Forgiveness frees you.
Of course, most debts we carry aren’t financial. They are personal. Unfaithfulness. Betrayal. Violence. Abuse. Murder.
You may be wondering, "How could I ever forgive what was done to me?"
Remember, forgiveness doesn’t release the offender—it releases you. They cannot repay you. Nothing they do can restore what was lost. Holding onto the grudge only continues the pain.
Holding onto unforgiveness is like drinking poison every day and expecting it to kill the other person. It only poisons you.
Jesus offers the solution so you can heal: You must forgive.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean the offender escapes justice. If someone commits a crime, justice must be served. Forgiveness doesn’t erase consequences. But vengeance belongs to the Lord (Deut. 32:35; Rom. 12:19).
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. The Bible never tells us to "forgive and forget." Only God says, "I will remember their sins no more" (Heb. 8:12). We may still need to remember for the sake of wisdom and protection.
Forgiveness doesn’t require an apology. You can forgive someone even if they never say they’re sorry. Forgiveness is what you do—it doesn’t depend on them.
Forgiveness isn’t the same as reconciliation. You don’t have to become friends with the person. Reconciliation requires more: repentance, apology, changed behavior, and a mutual desire to restore the relationship.
Much has to happen in order to truly reconcile and restore a relationship. Such as:
1.
Repentance – The
wrongdoer acknowledges the harm and turns from it.
2.
Confession – Honest
admission of the wrongdoing.
3.
Forgiveness – The
offended person releases bitterness and offers grace.
4.
Apology – A sincere
expression of regret.
5.
Restitution (if possible)
– Making things right where harm was done.
6.
Changed behavior –
Evidence of growth or a desire not to repeat the offense.
7.
Mutual desire to restore the relationship
– Both parties willing to move forward.
8. Time and patience – Trust may need to be rebuilt gradually.
So, you can forgive someone—release your resentment and expectation of offender restoring you—without being reconciled and becoming best buds with your offender.
This isn’t just theory. Forgiveness is hard. I’ve lived it.
Many of you know I didn’t have a good father. He was abusive and abandoned our family. As a child, I hated him. Over time, I stopped hating him—but the Lord called me to do more. He said, "You must forgive him."
That process began when I was 20. My father died a few years ago. By God’s grace, I was able to forgive him and even reconcile to some degree. I preached at his funeral, by his invitation.
So when I say forgiveness is central to our faith, I speak from experience. It’s not optional. It’s real. It’s hard. But it’s necessary.
Every time we pray the Lord’s Prayer and say, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us," we’re engaging with this truth.
Every time we look at the cross, we’re reminded of how serious sin is—and how deep God’s forgiveness goes. Jesus was crucified for our sins. And as He hung on the cross, He said, "Father, forgive them."
Let us live in that forgiveness. And let us extend it to others.
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