Here's a quick answer to a question I received Sunday. The question: "Does God ask us to get married and raise a family?"
My answer: Not necessarily. American society puts a lot of pressure on people to find their "true love" and get married and raise a family. Unfortunately, churches usually follows society's lead on this without really thinking what God wants. God has a better plan. Both remaining single and getting married are equally acceptable to God. Marriage and children are the more usual path people follow and can be a beautiful expression of God's love. Furthermore, a healthy marriage can help with spiritual growth, is God's plan for enjoying the gift of sex, and provides the best means for conceiving and raising children. On the other hand, remaining single is also a valid and helpful expression of the human experience. Jesus remained single and said, "...some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven." (Matthew 19:12). The Apostle Paul reasoned that a married person has to divide their attention between their spouse and serving God; however, a single person can focus all their attention on the Lord's work (see 1 Corinthians 7:32-35). Whether or not to have children can follow a similar line of reasoning. A couple can be married and not have children. This could be by choice or because they are unable. Raising children can be a wonderful blessing. It is a great honor to love your children unconditionally and it is perhaps the greatest way to evangelize the world, as we teach our children to have faith in Jesus Christ. On the other hand, raising kids is difficult and requires a lot of time, energy, and resources. A couple without children can devote more to each other and to God's work. Christians must understand life with more clarity than the unbelieving world around us. We should take the lead in accepting, valuing, and supporting people in the variety of ways life is lived--single, married, with and without children. Each is a beautiful gift from God to be embraced (not merely endured until we become like everybody else says we should be).
For more information about what the Bible says on the subjects of singleness, marriage, and raising children, see: Genesis 2:18-25, Matthew 19:1-12, Hebrews 13:4, Mark 10:1-12, and 1 Corinthians 7.
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Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
Ask Pastor Chris (a short, quick answer to a question about being single or married)
Labels:
1 Corinthians 7,
Ask Pastor Chris,
children,
Marriage,
Singleness
I'm a pastor, dad, husband, and child of God. I'm broken, but blessed. The cracks are where the Light shines through.
My mission is to help people grow closer to God with every breath and step I take. I gave my life to Christ at an early age and have grown closer through the years, spurred on by the study of the Bible, my church family, and the Chrysalis and Walk to Emmaus Communities. I accepted the call to full -time ministry as a pastor in 1999 and have served 4 different churches in Georgia. Music, preaching, and teaching are the heart of my ministry.
Outside of the pulpit, I enjoy many hobbies that help me blow off steam. These include martial arts, woodworking, blacksmithing, gardening, cooking, and being creative. I'm a jack of all trades and a master of none. My philosophy is use what you have, do it yourself if you can, learn something in the process, and have lots of fun. This blog is a place to share it all with you.
Monday, February 29, 2016
Deep Family Relationships
Ephesians 6:1-4
Introduction
We were made for deep relationships. A
deep relationship is a profound, caring connection of mutual support,
cooperation, and trust. Deep relationships can be with family, friends,
someone we date, a spouse, or a co-worker. However we find them, our
souls yearn for deep relationships. Today, I want to offer some advice to
deepen family relationships.
Ephesians 6:1-4
Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for
this is the right thing to do. 2 “Honor your father and
mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: 3 If you honor your father
and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the
earth.”
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to
anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and
instruction that comes from the Lord.
Advice for Children
Here are five practical ways you can honor
your parents:
Writing about how deep family relationships
should function, the Apostle Paul offers his advice in two parts. The
first part is for children and the second part is for parents. Let’s look
at Paul's advice for children first.
Recalling the Ten Commandments all the way back
from the Old Testament, the Apostle Paul said, “Children, obey your parents
because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. 2 “Honor your father and
mother.””
What does it mean to honor your parents?
To honor them means to treat them as very important people. When we
are young, we sometime start to think nothing important happened before we came
along. We might think we are younger, smarter, and more in touch with what is
going on in the world. How can our parents know more than we do? It
can give us a careless attitude about those who are older. We feel
they just don’t understand.
But God says it is not good to have an attitude
like that. He knows our parents have earned a lot of wisdom through their life
experience. It is in our own interest to listen to them, to respect their
opinions and wisdom, to honor them as important people who have helped us very
much and who still have a lot to offer. We must fight the tendency to think our parents are too old and out of touch. We must honor
them, because they deserve it and it is in our own best interest. God
promised to give us a long life if we honor our parents.
First of all, spend time with your parents.
Time is one of the most precious gifts you can give. Your parents
gave a tremendous amount of time to raise you. Now it’s your turn to
honor them with your time.
Second, be patient with your parents. Do you
realize your parents needed great patience to care for you? When you were
teenager, you sometime broke their hearts with mean words. When you were
a toddler, you threw temper tantrums and embarrassed them. When you were
an infant, they changed your dirty diapers. (Once I took my son to a movie
and he got sick and vomited on me in the theater. I didn’t have any
clothes to change into. It took 20 minutes to drive home before I could
change. Then I had to take care of him all night.)
Your parents have done many things like this for
you. With God’s help, mothers and fathers do it with patience because we love
our children. They have been patient with you. Now you can honor
them by being patient with them even if you feel they don’t deserve it.
Third, be respectful. When you disagree with
your parents, do it respectfully. If they make you mad, be gentle.
Refuse to look down on them. Don’t speak negatively of them.
Don’t do anything that would shame them. Deliberate speak
well of them to others. Protect their dignity and defend their honor.
Fourth, help your parents. Go with them to the
doctor or to get groceries. Help them clean the house or cook dinner for
them. As you get older, you might even help pay some of their bills.
There are many ways you can help your parents. Look for ways to do
favors for them as an expression of your honor for them.
Fifth, celebrate your parents. As a pastor, I
often go to funerals. And people pay tribute to all the best qualities of
their parents. Why wait until the funeral to pay tribute to your parents?
You can do it now.
Advice for Parents
Paul said, “Fathers, [and what he says
applies to mothers as well as fathers] do not provoke your children to anger by
the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and
instruction that comes from the Lord.”
Here are five practical ways to raise your kids well:
2. I’m Proud of You
As a parent, I can tell you it is quite
impossible to never provoke your children to anger. Sometimes kids
are just going to be angry with their parents. But what I think Paul
means here is: don't let anger be the prevailing attitude in your home. Instead, create a healthy home where your children can thrive and become
all God wants them to be.
Here are five practical ways to raise your kids well:
First, spend a lot more time appreciating your kids than you do
criticizing or disciplining them. Of course, parents have to set rules
and discipline their kids when they go astray (and all kids do). However,
don’t let that be the only interaction you have with your children. Encourage
them. Let them know you love them. Let them know how proud you are
of them. And since we know we will have to discipline our kids, we should
make sure we spend lots and lots of time appreciating them. Hear are
seven things every kid needs to hear:
1. I
Love You2. I’m Proud of You
3. I’m Sorry
4. I Forgive You
5. I’m Listening
6. This is Your Responsibility
7. You’ve Got What It Takes
Second, talk to your kids.
Practice by talking about the little things--like what they did at
school, what they like, etc. Abigail and I went to Red Lobster on Friday and
she had a great idea for conversation. Maybe it will work for you.
We had a personal life quiz. She would ask me one question about
her life and then I would ask her one question about mine. So she would ask
me something like: What are the names of her closest friends? And then I would ask her a question like: What
is my favorite hobby? Sometimes I would ask her questions about
herself: what was her earliest memory? We had a great time going
back and forth and we learned a lot about each other. When you practice
talking about the little things, your children will feel more comfortable
talking to you about the big things like the struggles they are having at school or with their friends, etc.
Third, your kids need to know you are 100% committed
to them. You let them know you are committed by your actions. You
need to be there for them. Spend time with your kids. Find ways
to play and have fun together. Pray together. Eat together.
Go to church together. Take a family vacation. If you can’t afford a vacation or can’t
take the time off work, then take a short trip or outing together. It can
be as simple as hiking at Fort Mountain or taking a walk in your neighborhood.
The point is to do stuff together--just you and your kids. There is
nothing more precious that you can give you kids than your time. And
nothing shows you are committed to them better than when you share your time
with them.
Fourth, discipline your children and hold them
accountable. This is very important. Remember, your primary job is
not to be your child’s best friend. A parent's primary job is to train
their child to be a well adjusted adult. This includes teaching them
integrity, responsibility, self-discipline, and good morals. Believe it
or not, children are happier when they have clear rules to follow and
consistent consequences when they violate the rules. By holding your
children accountable to right behavior, you are training them the be happy,
successful human beings.
Fifth, love your spouse. That might seem
counterintuitive, but it’s very true. Your kids need stability and
nothing reinforces their sense of stability than when they know their mom and
dad’s marriage is rock solid. Furthermore, you will be a better parent if
your marriage is strong. I see marriages get into trouble a lot because
parents make the mistake of focusing too much time, energy, and resources on
their kids at the expense of the marriage relationship. I understand why
it happens. At an immediate level, your kid’s needs often must come
first. But in the long run, you will
soon find your marriage in trouble if you always put your kids before your marriage; consequently, your kids will suffer too.
Remember, your kids will be in the home only 18 or so years, but your
husband or wife is for life. If you truly love your kids, you better love
your spouse more. If you want more advice on how to strengthen yourmarriage, you can look back at my blog from last Sunday. Or, perhaps you would like to make an appointment
to come talk with me.
Conclusion
Conclusion
God created you to have deep relationships.
The most natural of these relationships is with the people in your own family.
However, that doesn’t mean having deep relationships with your family
comes naturally. It takes effort and I encourage you to put in the
effort; it is worth it. What our world needs is strong, godly families.
That could change our nation.
As with all the other types of deep relationships in your life,
your deep family relationships will suffer if your relationship with God is not
right. The sin in our life impairs our relationship with God, but the
Good News is there is forgiveness through Jesus Christ. When we we ask
forgiveness and let Jesus take control of our lives, we will find our
relationship with God growing stronger and all our other
relationships--including with our family--begins to grow stronger too. I
invite you to get your heart right with God today.
Labels:
children,
Deep Reltionshios,
Ephesians 6:1-4,
Family,
Parenting,
Pleasant Grove UMC,
relationships,
Sermons,
United Methodist
I'm a pastor, dad, husband, and child of God. I'm broken, but blessed. The cracks are where the Light shines through.
My mission is to help people grow closer to God with every breath and step I take. I gave my life to Christ at an early age and have grown closer through the years, spurred on by the study of the Bible, my church family, and the Chrysalis and Walk to Emmaus Communities. I accepted the call to full -time ministry as a pastor in 1999 and have served 4 different churches in Georgia. Music, preaching, and teaching are the heart of my ministry.
Outside of the pulpit, I enjoy many hobbies that help me blow off steam. These include martial arts, woodworking, blacksmithing, gardening, cooking, and being creative. I'm a jack of all trades and a master of none. My philosophy is use what you have, do it yourself if you can, learn something in the process, and have lots of fun. This blog is a place to share it all with you.
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