Arguing with Jesus About His Silence on Important Issues

John 8:1-11

Introduction

            Have you ever wanted to argue with Jesus?  Jesus said and did many things that were very challenging or hard to understand we might want to argue with him about those.  However, sometimes the most troubling thing about Jesus is not what he said, but what he didn’t say.  It is the times when Jesus is silent on important issues that bother me the most and sometimes I want to argue with Jesus when he doesn’t speak directly about an issue.  Here is a partial list of issues Jesus didn’t teach about directly:  drugs, alcohol, slavery, birth control, homosexuality, democracy, science, abortion, gun control, freedom of religion…  These are all hot topics that stir passionate debates in our times and Jesus never spoke about them directly.  (At least, we have no record of his teachings about these subjects written in the Gospels.)  And sometimes, I want to argue with Jesus about his silence.  “Why didn’t you say something, Lord, so we would know how to respond on these important issues?”

            Today’s scripture comes to us from John chapter 8:1-11.  It is example of Jesus’ vague silence on an important issue that is debated today—the death penalty.  Keep in mind, though, that this message isn't really about the death penalty.  This message is about Jesus' silence.

John 8:1-11

Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, ² but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. ³ As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd. 

 

⁴ “Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. ⁵ The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”

⁶ They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. ⁷ They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” ⁸ Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.

⁹ When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. ¹⁰ Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

¹¹ “No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

A Vague Response

            In order to really understand anything Jesus says in scripture, you have to understand the context.  And the context of this story is that Jesus was under attack.  The Pharisees weren’t motivated by sincerity when they came for a ruling.  Verse 6 says they were trying to trap Jesus.  So we have to take that into account in everything that follows.

Jesus must have been thoroughly disgusted by this whole situation.  Here is a group of supposedly “religious men” using a woman’s life to bait a trap for Jesus.  The Pharisees actions are deplorable.  They have know regard for this woman's life.  They are willing to use a human life to advance their agenda against Jesus.  And so, Jesus had to be intentionally vague so as not to give his enemies any ammunition against him.  Even though Jesus’ words are not as definitive on the issue of capital punishment, you have to admire his wisdom given the circumstance.

The way I read this, Jesus didn’t give a clear ruling.  He assented (reluctantly) to Old Testament law which calls for the stoning of adulterers, but he does it in such a way that he puts it on the people.  It’s as if he says, “Ok, if that’s what you want, then go ahead and stone her, but I don’t want any part of it.” 

Jesus’s actions are such that both supporters of the death penalty and those who wish to abolish it can use this same story to support their arguments.

Silence is a Tool

            Set aside for a moment your opinions about the death penalty.  Look at the way Jesus uses silence as a tool.  As the angry Pharisees demand an answer, Jesus stoops down and writes in the dust with his finger.  Silence...

            I once had a teacher in the 6^th grade—Mrs. Garland.  When the class would get too noisy, she would simply stop and hold up her finger.  This was the exact opposite of what other teachers would do.  They would usually get louder and louder, competing with the noise of the class, sometimes angrily scolding the students and admonishing them to quiet down, maybe even threatening them with consequences.  But not Mrs. Garland.  She would just stop talking and hold up her finger.  It would take a few moments, but eventually (and amazingly) the noise of the room would fad as students started to notice Mrs. Garland’s silence.  You could even hear other students start shushing the class—doing the teacher’s work for her—until everyone sat quietly, paying complete attention to Mrs. Garland.  Then she would say something like, “Now that you’re ready, I will continue…”  Mrs. Garland was a great teacher—she used silence to keep command of her class.

           

            Jesus used silence to keep command of the angry crowd.  Though he stooped to write in the dust, he would not stoop to their level.  First, he used silence to focus their attention.  Then, he used silence again to give them time to search their hearts and make up their own mind.  He shifted the responsibility and the silence gave everyone the time they needed to feel the immense weight of the responsibility of holding a human life in their hands.
            Silence is a tool Jesus uses to help us truly understand.  He could give us the answer—and sometimes he does—but we must come to some answers as we search our own hearts as Jesus waits in silence.

Finding the Answers

            Everything we need for salvation is written in the Bible.  However, Jesus doesn’t answer every question we have in the Gospels.  We must walk with Jesus in a living relationship.  Sometimes we will be able to turn to the pages of the Scripture and find the answers written plainly in black and white.  Other times, we are going to have to listen to the Holy Spirit in our hearts to know what Jesus wants us to do.

Sometimes, we already know the answer.  That's how it was when I was struggling with the call to ministry.  At the time I was studying to be an engineer and had a promising career ahead of me.  However, I loved volunteering in the church and bagan to question if God had other plans for me--plans to be a pastor.  Several people comment on this too.  Once I was telling my sister, Katie, how much I enjoyed studying the Bible and she said, "Have you ever thought about going to seminary?"  I began to pray about whether God was calling me to the ministry.  I was willing, but I wanted God to give me a clear sign or a word from heaven. 

I have heard amazing stories of God speaking to other ministers and giving them a clear revelation that He wanted them to be a minister.  But no such miracle came to me.  Finally, after praying about this for over a year, the answer finally came.  But it wasn't a booming voice from heaven--it was a whisper in my own heart.  It just sort of dawned on me one day.  I know that God wants me to be a minister.  Why else would I have been praying about this so fervently for the last year?  I don't need a sign or a word, because I already know what God wants me to do.  I just have to have the faith to do it.  The answer was there all along, I just had to accept it.

            Sometimes we already know the answer.  Sometimes the answer is "no."  Other times, there isn't a one-size-fits-all answer that applies in all circumstances.  Sometimes you have to take things on a case-by-case basis.  I think God intends it this way so we have to have a living relationship with Him.  You see, ultimately, it’s not about the answers anyway.  What really matters is having an ongoing, intimate relationship with our Creator.  The questions are just there to keep us pointed toward Him. 

Conclusion

            Are you listening for the Voice of God? 

Maybe you are struggling with a difficult problem.  You’re wondering what direction to go or what you should do.  Maybe you’ve asked Jesus for the answer, but all you get is silence.  Perhaps, you already know the answer in your own heart.  Maybe you already know what you need to do, but haven’t had the confidence to do it.  Maybe Jesus has been silent so you could hear your own answers and find the resolve to trust your own heart.

Are you listening for the Voice of God?  Perhaps you’ve been looking for a one-size-fits-all answer.  Maybe, you just want to have all the answers so you don’t need God so much.  That’s not gonna work.  The one answer that applies to everyone in every situation is this:  you need a dynamic, ongoing, living relationship with God.  Maybe you need to focus on the relationship more than the answers.  Then the answers you really need will come and the relationship you need even more than the answers will be stronger.

 I suggest you pray to the Lord today.  Ask Jesus to take control of your whole life--to save you from your sins and be your Lord.  If you start there, the rest will follow.  The Holy Spirit will be your guide.  And you will find peace.

"Sell All Your Possessions..."

Arguing with Jesus about Giving Up Everything
Mark 10:17-31

Introduction

On Friday evening, November 13, 2015, the world was shocked to find Islamic terrorists had attacked civilians in Paris with guns and bombs, killing 129 people and wounding many hundreds more.  Anger, sadness, fear, shock, and deep concern for our world are among the many chaotic emotions people feel.

Over the weekend, millions around the world have offered support and lifted up prayers for the people of Paris.  Buildings have been lit with the flag colors of France in a show of solidarity.  Facebook has exploded with profile pictures overlaid with the French flag.  We want to express our support for the people of Paris who have suffered such evil at the hands of godless men.  We fear more terrorist attacks are on the horizon in our own homeland.

The outpouring of support reminds me of the days following 9/11 when Americans were swept up in a wave of patriotism, fear, and outcries to God in prayer.  Unfortunately, that fervent wave eventually (and too quickly) settled back into a placid sea of apathy as most returned to living as if God were only something to be pulled out occasionally for a casual encounter or when tragedy strikes.

How much substance is there to this rising tide of prayers and support for the people of Paris?  It is easy to click a button and change your profile picture to a French flag.  What the world needs are disciples wholeheartedly committed to the ways of Jesus.  His love in our hearts is the only thing that can drive evil darkness from our world. 

            The emotionally charged outcry to “stand with Paris” reminds me a lot of a man whose heart swelled with emotion as he ran up to Jesus and fell to his knees with a burning question.  It is found in Mark 10:17-31. 

Mark 10:17-31

¹⁷ As Jesus was starting out on his way to Jerusalem, a man came running up to him, knelt down, and asked, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

¹⁸ “Why do you call me good?” Jesus asked. “Only God is truly good. ¹⁹ But to answer your question, you know the commandments: ‘You must not murder. You must not commit adultery. You must not steal. You must not testify falsely. You must not cheat anyone. Honor your father and mother.’”

²⁰ “Teacher,” the man replied, “I’ve obeyed all these commandments since I was young.”

²¹ Looking at the man, Jesus felt genuine love for him. “There is still one thing you haven’t done,” he told him. “Go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

²² At this the man’s face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions.

²³ Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God!” ²⁴ This amazed them. But Jesus said again, “Dear children, it is very hard to enter the Kingdom of God. ²⁵ In fact, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!”

²⁶ The disciples were astounded. “Then who in the world can be saved?” they asked.

²⁷ Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God.”

²⁸ Then Peter began to speak up. “We’ve given up everything to follow you,” he said.

²⁹ “Yes,” Jesus replied, “and I assure you that everyone who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or property, for my sake and for the Good News, ³⁰ will receive now in return a hundred times as many houses, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and property—along with persecution. And in the world to come that person will have eternal life. ³¹ But many who are the greatest now will be least important then, and those who seem least important now will be the greatest then.” 

 

A Very Challenging Passage

            This is one of those Bible stories that really troubles people.  "Did Jesus really mean we should sell all our possessions in order to have eternal life? Would he ask that?"  These are questions concerned people have asked me many times.  People struggle because they are afraid Jesus might ask them to do the same thing (and, honestly, they are not sure if they could).

            We sometimes spiritualize what Jesus said or reason that he was only speaking to this one rich guy and not to all his followers.  That may be true.  Jesus knew exactly what the rich man in the story put ahead of God in his life.  Jesus revealed just what the rich man needed to do to get his life right with God.  Sure, the man was respectable.  He didn't steal, cheat, lie, or murder, but God was still not first in his life.  So Jesus challenged him to do the one thing he couldn't bring himself to do unless he put God first.

            I've always taught this story as if the man couldn't (or wouldn't) actually sell all his possessions.  That's the way I've heard others teach it too, but something occurred to me for the first time as I studied this week.  The Bible never says whether the man did or didn't complete the challenge.  It just says he went away sad.  We are the ones who assume he didn't do it.  That the man went away sad is doesn't necessarily mean he didn't eventually sell all his possessions.  It just means he was very troubled by the difficult task Jesus gave him.  Sadness would have been the natural response (whether he did or didn't not sell all his possessions).

            The greatest evidence we have that the rich man didn't sell all his possessions is we never read of his returning to follow Jesus.  However, that's not conclusive evidence either. It would have taken a long time for a very rich man to sell all his possessions. (How long would it take you to sell everything you own?)  It would have taken even more time to give all the money away to the poor in meaningful ways.  This episode happened near the end of Jesus earthly ministry according to the Gospel of Mark.  So the task might not have been completed before the written Gospel ended.  It may be that we just don't have a written record of the final outcome for the man.  Most of us just assume he couldn't do it (maybe because we think we could never do it).  I like the way the story ends without a final resolution,  because it leaves us to question what we would do in the same situation.

            We still want to know though: Does Jesus expect us to sell all our possessions in order to follow him?  The simple answer is no.  You don’t have to sell all your possessions in order to follow him and inherit eternal life.  In fact, you can't do anything to earn eternal life.  It is a free gift from God to those who follow Christ.

            Jews teach that you must follow all the commandments and live a good, moral life to gain God’s favor.  Muslims teach you must not worship any God but Allah and you must follow the teachings of the Koran and the prophet Muhammed in order to avoid torment in hell.  Other religions teach you must sacrifice to earn the favor of the gods, but Christ teaches it is impossible to earn God’s favor and so God saves you by a His free, unearned and undeserved grace.

 

            But wait before you sigh a breath of relief because you get to keep your stuff... You're not off the hook yet, because Jesus challenges all of us to put God first in our life.  He said in Matthew 6:33, "Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness..."  And just as Jesus knew exactly what the rich man put ahead of God in his life, Jesus knows exactly what you put ahead of God in your life.  And it is precisely that with which Jesus challenges you.              

Leaving with a Troubled Heart

           The rich man left Jesus very sad and with a troubled heart because he had many possessions.  The rich man had a tough decision to make.  You have a tough decision to make too, because Jesus asks you to re-prioritoze your life.  For some of you, that means making some significant, substantive changes.  You may need to give up something so difficult you would much rather sell all your possessions instead.   You may have to fret over it a while. You may need to count the cost closely and decide whether you think following Jesus is really worth it.

            You see, we all want goodness to some degree.  We a want to be good people. We all want to live in a good world.  We all want "peace" and "justice" and "goodness" to come in our world.  The problem is, we don’t want it enough to pay the price. 

            I challenge you as Jesus challenged the rich man in the story.  Go and give up that which is keeping you from whole heartedly following Christ as his disciple.

            And for those that complain "It is impossible!"  I quote you Jesus' words from Mark 10:27, "Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God."  You see, the grace of God kicks in when we finally realize it is our only hope.

Arguing with Jesus About Divorce

Mark 10:1-12 & Matthew 5:31-32

Introduction

            In my role as a pastor, I often find it necessary to argue with Jesus.  You might find that a strange thing for a pastor to say.  It would be laughable for any mortal to argue with the infinite wisdom of a God who created the universe?  Some might think to argue with Jesus reveals a lack of faith.  So let me explain what I mean by “arguing with Jesus.”

            I often find people misunderstand what Jesus really meant or they take his words in the Bible out of context.  They will come to me and say, “But in the Bible Jesus said…” and they will use Jesus’ words in the wrong way.  And then as a pastor, I find myself in the awkward position of arguing with Jesus.  So, I’m not so much arguing with Jesus as I am arguing with the way people misuse or misunderstand Jesus.

            Jesus said and did many things in the Bible.  In this series, I would like to address some of the passages that are often misused or misunderstood.  I hope you will come to Pleasant Grove UMC or read this blog for each of these messages.  Perhaps you know someone else who is particularly interested in one of these subjects.  Invite them to come too!

            Today, I want to “argue with Jesus” about the issue of divorce.  It might surprise you to find out how often people come to me racked with guilt because they have been divorced—even if the divorce was justified.  They will even quote Jesus’ words about divorce in the Bible and I find myself awkwardly “arguing with Jesus” on behalf of someone who needs grace and forgiveness.  So to start off, let’s turn in our Bibles to see what Jesus said about divorce. 

Mark 10:1-12

Then Jesus left Capernaum and went down to the region of Judea and into the area east of the Jordan River. Once again crowds gathered around him, and as usual he was teaching them.

² Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?”

³ Jesus answered them with a question: “What did Moses say in the law about divorce?”

⁴ “Well, he permitted it,” they replied. “He said a man can give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away.”

⁵ But Jesus responded, “He wrote this commandment only as a concession to your hard hearts. ⁶ But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ⁷ ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, ⁸ and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, ⁹ let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

¹⁰ Later, when he was alone with his disciples in the house, they brought up the subject again. ¹¹ He told them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against her. ¹² And if a woman divorces her husband and marries someone else, she commits adultery.”

The Apparent Lesson

            Jesus clearly takes a strong position against divorce in this passage.  Even though the Old Testament law in Deuteronomy 24:1 allowed for divorce, Jesus apparently does not.  This is a very strict teaching.  The disciples struggled with it and Christians have struggled with it ever since.  Let’s take a quick look at another passage from the Gospel of Matthew where Jesus listed only one acceptable excuse for divorce.

Matthew 5:31-32

“You have heard the law that says, ‘A man can divorce his wife by merely giving her a written notice of divorce.’ ³² But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery.

Only One Acceptable Excuse?

            In Matthew, Jesus says pretty much the same thing he does in Mark except he allows for divorce in the case of unfaithfulness.  What are we to make of all this?
            Well clearly, divorce is not God’s original intention.  Jesus’ view of marriage goes back to the original plan in creation where God designed a man and a woman for each other to become so unified in marriage that it’s as if they become one person.  Anything less falls short of God’s original plan. 

            If we only take Jesus’ words at face value (which is what many people do), we quickly run into problems.  Is unfaithfulness really the only acceptable cause for divorce?  What about physical abuse?  If a man is beating his wife, shouldn’t we advise her to get a divorce as soon as possible for the sake of her own safety?  What about harsh verbal or mental abuse?  Should a person remain in a marriage where they are being torn apart inside by the ongoing and excessive cruelty of their spouse?  The answers to these questions should be obvious. 

Sometimes a divorce is right thing to do.  Sometimes it is the only way out of an extremely harmful marital situation.  You would be surprised by the number of times I have counseled with both men and women in just these kinds of situations.  I believe Jesus would embrace them and comfort them and tell many of them to get a divorce as soon as possible.  And yet, these unfortunate victims struggle with guilt because of what Jesus said in the passages we just read.   

Understanding the Context

            It is crucial for us to understand what Jesus said about divorce within the proper context in which he said it.  First of all, look at verse 2.  “Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?””  You see, this conversation was not a sincere attempt of the Pharisees to understand God’s plan for marriage and divorce.  This whole issue was brought to Jesus as a way to get Jesus in trouble and make him look bad.  So, we need to keep that in mind as we consider what Jesus said about divorce.

            The second thing we need to consider is what divorce was like in Jesus day.  The Jewish law in the Old Testament had a provision for divorce.  Deuteronomy 24:1 says, “Suppose a man marries a woman but she does not please him. Having discovered something wrong with her, he writes a document of divorce, hands it to her, and sends her away from his house.”

            Now let’s think about that a little.  It’s saying that if a wife does not please her husband, he can just divorce her.  That’s pretty harsh!  So maybe she’s getting a little older and she doesn’t look as appealing as the younger woman who just moved in next door.  Does that qualify?  It seems so if you take the Llw literally.  Or maybe the wife doesn’t agree with everything the husband says.  Is that cause for divorce?  It seems so according to a literal reading of the Old Testament law.  If you’re going strictly by what Deuteronomy 24:1 says, a husband can divorce his wife for any reason she does not please him—and that could be almost anything.  And that is exactly what many husbands were doing to their wives in Jesus day.  Furthermore, there is no provision in the Old Testament law for a woman who wants to divorce a man!

            Jesus lived in a society where women had few rights or privileges.  Moreover, they had limited (if any) means to provide for themselves outside of marriage.  So a woman who was divorced and sent away from her husband’s house often faced tremendous hardship in addition to shame.  So when Jesus spoke out to forbid divorce, he was actually speaking out to protect women from unjust treatment and exploitation.  How ironic it is then that today women often come to me consumed with guilt because they had to divorce a man who was mistreating or exploiting them! 

Times Have Changed

            In the original context, Jesus was trying to protect women, but times have changed.  Women have many more opportunities now than they did 2,000 years ago.  A wife who divorces can make it on her own in ways that women in Jesus’ day could not imagine.  I, myself, grew up as the product of a single, divorced mom.  It was not easy for her to provide for our family, but she managed in ways women in the New Testament probably could not.  So times have changed—somewhat for the better—since Jesus spoke out against divorce. 

Today, I find that men often need protection when it comes to divorce.  I have counseled with a number of men in heart breaking situations where the wife was asking for a divorce and the husband did not want it.  The husband was not necessarily guilty of any grave offence or abuse.  Furthermore, the husband was even willing to seek marital counseling to improve the relationship with the wife, but the wife was unwilling.  So men sometimes—just as much as women—can find themselves devastated and completely heartbroken—having to deal with an unwanted divorce and all the financial troubles and familial complications a divorce brings.  And sometimes I have felt that if Jesus were present he might grab a few mean-spirited wives and just shake them and say, “Don’t you realize how cruel and unchristian you are being!”  It was not that divorce was evil; it was the fact that the divorce was unnecessary, but the wife didn’t care and was not willing to even try and fix the problem. 

The Bottom Line about Divorce

            So what’s the bottom line?  What should we think about divorce?  If Jesus were speaking from this pulpit today, what would he say?  Well, God did not part the clouds and give me the answer in an audible voice.  However, I have thought deeply and prayed about this over many years of walking with the Lord and serving as a pastor to counsel numerous couples facing divorce and here’s what I believe Jesus would say.

            First of all, divorce is not God’s original plan.  From the beginning of creation, God designed marriage to be a lifelong, deep and sacred union between a man and a woman.  The closer a husband and wife come to this goal, the closer they are to God’s will and the more fulfilling their life together will be.  This is God’s hope for all married people.

            However, marriage is not easy.  It takes a lot of work—especially because we are broken individuals that live in an imperfect world.  Sometimes we will face problems in our marriage—maybe even very difficult problems.  Yet we should strive very hard to work through our marital troubles if at all possible.  A marriage that is worth having is worth fighting for.  And you would be amazed at some of the stories I could tell you of broken marriages I have seen healed.  It often saddens me to see marriages fail that I believe could be fixed if only both the husband and wife were willing to work on it.  So divorce should be a last resort, when everything else has been tried and failed.

            Unfortunately, sometimes divorce is the only option.  When repeated attempts to fix the marriage have failed (including sincere attempts at marriage counseling and appeals to God for divine help), divorce may be better than staying in a destructive marriage.  A good analogy might be the way you would treat your own body in a medical emergency.  For instance, suppose you were in a terrible accident and your arm was badly injured.  You would do everything you could to save your arm.  However, if you couldn’t save the arm and the only way to save your life was to cut off your arm, you would have a surgeon cut it off in order to save your life.  You would be without an arm for the rest of your life, but at least you would be alive.  In the same way, you should do everything you can to save your marriage; but if you cannot save it and to stay in the marriage would devastate you, by all means get a divorce.  But understand this: there will always be a terrible scar. 

Invitation

To those of you who have suffered through a divorce (or who will suffer through one in the future), understand that Jesus is not against you.  Most likely, you divorced because it was forced upon you or else you could see no other way out.  And Jesus, who knows all things, knows your heart.  He is full of grace and mercy and love.  Come to him and know that he welcomes you with open arms.  Do not let the words he spoke 2,000 years ago in a different time and place when evil men were trying to trap him hinder you.  Jesus speaks on your behalf today and says, “I love you.  You are welcome.  Do not be ashamed.  I offer healing for your scars and your broken heart.”

Even if you believe today that your divorce was not justified—that for some reason you acted inappropriately—Jesus still offers forgiveness and grace.  There is no sin you have committed that puts you out of reach of God’s love in Jesus Christ.  If you recognize your fault and ask Jesus to forgive you, he will wash you clean.  Your sin will be forgotten forever by the Lord and you can make a fresh start from this day forward.  If you would like forgiveness for this or any other sin, pray to Jesus for forgiveness today.

Lastly, it may be that some of you are struggling in your marriage.  Maybe you are even contemplating a divorce.  Let me encourage you as strongly as I know how—talk to a pastor or a marriage counselor.  It may be that Jesus can heal the brokenness in your marriage and make your relationship stronger than you ever imagined.  I have seen it happen.  However, nothing will get better if you keep your struggles to yourself.  Talk to a pastor or marriage counselor they can help you start on a better road.  Or they may find out that a divorce is the best road for you to choose and then you can have the peace of mind in knowing you tried everything you could.