The Fruit of the Spirit - Love

The Fruit of the Spirit – Galatians 5:22-23

22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

Introduction

            The famed list of spiritual virtues from Galatians 5:22-23 are known to Christians as “The Fruits of The Spirit”.  I going to spend some time each week considering each of these spiritual fruits.  Actually, you might notice Paul calls these the Fruit of the Spirit , not fruits; he uses the singular form, not plural. I don't know if he did that on purpose, but I do know that all of these virtues together make up a single fruit that the Spirit produces in us. It is not that one person gets patience and another gets love and another gets self-control. No, the Holy Spirit develops all of these in each follower of Christ. Some people are better at on than the other, but all are accessible to every individual if we allow the Spirit to produce them in us.

As we go through this series of blogs, I challenge you to memorize the list of virtues known as the fruit of the Spirit.  That way you will now the characteristics you should develop as you follow Christ.  And really, it is not that difficult.  If you can remember the ingredients of a Big Mac—two all-beef patties, special sauce,lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun (a jingle with 15 words)—you should be able to learn a learn the list of 9 the spiritual fruits of a Christian. Too young to have learned the Big Mac jingle?  Ok.  If you can remember the words to the Kiki challenge song by Drake (“In My Feelings”), which is a chorus of 60 words, then surely you can memorize the 9 fruits of the Spirit!

As Christians cooperate with the Holy Spirit, the Spirit develops these fruits within us more and more.  It’s important to remember, we do not make these fruits grow. Only God can make them grow.  Just as a 5-year-old child cannot close his eyes, grit his teeth, and will his body to transform into a 16-year-old, neither can we will ourselves to grow love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, or self-control—no matter how hard we clench our teeth and concentrate.  The growth of these spiritual fruits—just like the growth of the human body or the growth of a fruit tree—is the work of God.  However, there are many things we can do to nurture that growth—to cooperate with the Holy Spirit’s work and create an environment where the most growth is possible.  This is also something I want to address in the weeks ahead.  So contemplate, as we go along, how you could open your heart and life to God in such a way that love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control take root and grow more and more in your life.

Let's begin today with the first and most important of all spiritual fruits—love.

Love - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

            As a pastor, I have the privilege of uniting many couples in holy matrimony.  One of the most common scriptures to read at a wedding is 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.  It is known as the love passage as it shares St. Paul’s famous description of Christian love.

⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 

If you’ve ever attended a wedding, you’ve probably heard those words.  They are a great reminder to the newlyweds what it means to love, honor, and cherish each other as they begin their life together as husband and wife.  

St. Paul’s description of love is so common at weddings, people might not know the passage was not originally intended for that occasion. Paul wrote those splendid words that tell the qualities of love—not for weddings, but—for a church of people that were struggling to get along. The Christians in the Corinthian church were fighting over who was in charge, who was more important, and who had the most impressive spiritual gifts.  Paul wrote his famous words about love to implore a deeply divided church to simply love one another.  Paul wanted the Corinthians to stop arguing with each other and jockeying for power and competing to see who is most important person in the church. 

God calls us all to love one another and “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”

Love is Essential

Love is the most important of the fruits of the spirit for “…love covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8) and, “Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:13)  Love is what makes us relevant.  Ideas and philosophies and even people come into and go out of fashion as quickly as the Kiki Challenge, but love last forever.  Biblical love (the divine love of God) is the one thing that never goes out of fashion.  Love makes all other things either relevant or irrelevant. When love is present something else is relevant.  When love is absent, people will quickly lose interest because it will soon become irrelevant.

            Love is the very presence of God.  1 John 4:7-12 sums it up.  "⁷ Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. ⁸ But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.  ⁹ God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only

Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. ¹⁰ This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. ¹² No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.

            Love is essential to the Christian journey. It saves us, it sends us, and seals us to one another. As we serve together as a church and as we represent Christ to the world, I pray love will guide all that we do.  Jesus said love would be the defining virtue in all his followers that proves to the world that we are His disciples.  In John 13:35, Jesus said, “Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”

Creating a Garden Where Love Can Grow

Well, now we have a description of love and how important it is. But how do we help it grow in our lives? We have to prepare the garden of our heart.

Now I'm not a very good gardener. I'm good at building things, but not so good at growing things. I can build a good garden to start with, but it's everything that happens after that gives me trouble. You see, to build a garden, you start by making a place. You clear away the grass or weeds, you till up the soil to make it soft, you plant the seeds and water them. Maybe you put down some fertilizer. And I'm usually good to spend a day or a weekend working on a gardening "project." But I quickly lose interest or get busy with family or work and I don't spend the time I should tending the garden. That's why I do better at building projects like carpentry, because I can work on them for a few hours, and then set them aside and come back to them in a month or so and pick right back p where I let off.

Unfortunately, you can't set a garden aside for a month. It takes constant attention and nurturing. You need to check it everyday to pull up weeds, make sure it's getting enough water (but not too much), and maybe get rid of any pests and bugs that are invading. If you forget about the garden for even a few days (which is what I tend to do), it will quickly run into trouble or be overrun by weeds and eat up by devouring bugs.

Well, what about our spiritual fruit garden? What do we have to do to help nurture the fruit the Holy Spirit wants to produce with in us? It is much like tending a physical garden. To start with, you have to clear out some things in your life so there is room for love to grow. Do you have hatred in your heart? Bitterness? Are you harboring any grudges? These are things you must get rid of or else love will have no room to grow.

One of the things I see so much these days that keeps real love from growing is the impossible and unrealistic fantasy of a love relationship. People have an idealized (idolized really) fantasy of what it is to be in "love". And it hinders the growth of real love. And I often see people who grow older--maybe late into their twenties or thirties or maybe even later and they still haven't married. And for them they want to be married so badly that they make an idol out of marriage. They often make foolish choices or compromise their values all for the sake of the dream of being married. Idolatry is a sin and our idols always let us down and get us into trouble. And it's not until you tear down your idol (or your fantasy) and you clear out space in the garden of your heart, that there is room for real, genuine, fruitful love to grow.

Just like in a real garden, you have to break up and soften the soil of your heart so the Holy Spirit can plant some seeds of love. Have you asked the Holy Spirit to plant seeds of love if your heart? He will if you ask Him. Then, what can you do to water and fertilize the love He is trying to grow within your heart? How can you show love to others through the things you say, the ways you behave, and the things you do?

Now, you have created the perfect environment for growth, but love is not the only thing that will want to grow there.  Now, the Devil will constantly be encouraging weeds to grow in your life. These are things that will distract you, use up your spare resources of time and energy and money. Left unchecked, these weeds will grow up and choke out the love that is starting to grow in your life. How do you take time to watch over your spiritual garden and pull up any weeds that grow alongside your spiritual fruit, stealing vital nutrients from the soil? Do you pray for God to show you those things that are leading you astray or just distracting you from His will for your life? Do you listen and rip them out when He reveals something?

Invitation

            I want to close with a word of encouragement.  If you ever feel guilty, like you ought to be more loving or patient or whatever, give yourself a break.  Jesus came to set us free from sin and guilt and shame.  It's not your job to change yourself; that's the work of the Holy Spirit.  Be patient with yourself.  The Holy Spirit will do the hard work, the supernatural work of making you more like Jesus.  Your job is just to cooperate.  Do the things the Spirit shows you.  Open yourself up to spiritual growth and nurture what the Spirit is doing in you and leave it at that.  It takes time to grow, so cut yourself some slack.

            I invite you and challenge you ask God to plant the seeds of more spiritual fruit in your life.  Ask Him also to show you what you must tear out of your life to make room for the spiritual garden He wants to grow within you.  Ask Him to show you how you need to break up and soften the soil of your heart and how you can nurture and guard the spiritual fruits of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. We will look at each one and some of the spiritual practices that help garden your spirit in the weeks ahead.

Freedom!

Introduction
            One of the great and classic movies about freedom is Braveheart, which chronicles William Wallace's epic struggle to help Scotland win independence from the British in the 11th century.  In his rousing (yet fictional) speech before the Battle of Stirling Bridge, Wallace inspires his rag tag army to tell their enemies, "...They may take our lives, but they will never take our freedom!"
            On 1775, the American patriot, Patrick Henry, gave another rousing speech in favor of the fight for freedom, where he said, “Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!”
            A couple months ago, I was privileged to travel to San Antonio, Texas where I visited the Alamo, known as the cradle of Texas liberty.  It was at the Alamo that a handful of Texas patriots held off the vastly larger Mexican army for 13 days before they gave their lives in service of Texas liberty.  Texas went on to win independence from Mexico and was a free country for nine years before becoming a state in our American Union.  From those Texas patriots who gave their life for liberty, the expression "Remember the Alamo!" lives on today as a call to free men to stand up and fight, whatever the cost, for freedom.
            It is always inspiring to remember those who have thought it so important to sacrifice for freedom--especially during this time of year when we celebrate the independence of our free United States of America.  Freedom is the paramount theme of our nation.  However, freedom is not originally an American idea.  Freedom was instilled in us by our Creator and freedom has been sought by people throughout the ages because it is part of the human soul. 
            The truest form of freedom was won by Christ, the Son of the Living God on the cross at Calvary.  It was, indeed, the freedom won by Christ that inspired our American forefathers to imagine a country where people were endowed by the Creator with certain inalienable rights--life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
            Over the next five blog post, I will share my thoughts on the Christian idea of freedom based on a reading of Paul's Letter to the Galatians.  For my first installment, let us read Galatians 1:6-10.

Galatians 1:6-10

⁶ I am shocked that you are turning away so soon from God, who called you to himself through the loving mercy of Christ. You are following a different way that pretends to be the Good News ⁷ but is not the Good News at all. You are being fooled by those who deliberately twist the truth concerning Christ.

⁸ Let God’s curse fall on anyone, including us or even an angel from heaven, who preaches a different kind of Good News than the one we preached to you. ⁹ I say again what we have said before: If anyone preaches any other Good News than the one you welcomed, let that person be cursed.

¹⁰ Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.
 

The Galatians and Freedom

            Have you heard of the Celts?  We usually think of Irish or Scottish people when we think of the Celtic culture, but the Celts were a great civilization that spread throughout ancient Europe.  Some of the Celts in that empire invaded what is now modern-day Turkey.  These Celts settled down in Turkey and became the Galatians.  The Galatians were Pagans.  They did not believe in the One True God of the Bible.  They believed in many different Pagan gods.  So suppose they believed there was one god who was in charge of rain, and one over the harvest and another over fertility, and another over war, and so on and so forth.  And the ancient Galatians believed they had to perform so many different religious rituals and sacrifices to appease and gain the favor of the various gods for different seasons of life.  Can you imagine what a headache that would be?  And all this was further complicated by the belief that all the gods didn't get along and they didn't necessarily like human beings!

              And along comes the Apostle Paul with the Good News of Jesus Christ.  Paul preaches to the Galatians:  "All these so called gods you've been worshiping are not gods at all.  There is only One True God; and He is all powerful and all knowing.  He created everything and is over it all.  And furthermore, this One universal God cares about you so much, He came down to earth (as Jesus the Christ) to live as one of us.  And He died on the cross to ransom us from our sins and set us free from the penalty of death that was a consequence of our sins.  On the third day, Jesus rose from the grave and is alive again!  He has defeated death and we can rise to new life too if we trust in Jesus!" 

            And so this was really great news to the Galatians.  Jesus set them free from all the tedious rules and regulations of their pagan religions and the fear of the gods, as well as setting them free from sin and death!  And they received the Good News.  They put their faith in Christ as Lord and Savior.  They willingly and wholeheartedly became Christians.  And the Apostle Paul joyously helped them establish a church--a community of Christian believers who work together to worship Christ and build each other up in the faith and go out and spread the Good News to all they can.

            However, there was a problem.  At this early stage in the Christian era, most Christians in the world were still Jews.  You see, Jesus was a Jew and all his disciples were Jews.  Even the apostle Paul was a Jew.  These people followed the Jewish religion--the rules and ceremonies, festivals, and traditions of the Old Testament Jewish religion.  And so many of the earliest Christians mistakenly thought new converts to the Christian faith must also start following the Jewish religion.  They must follow the Old Testament customs, ceremonies, festivals, and especially they must be circumcised (because circumcision was the hallmark trait of all devout Jews). 

            After Paul left the Galatians to go to another province to preach the Good News about Christ, some of these "Jewish" Christians came to the Galatians and began teaching, "You must be circumcised and start following the Jewish religion or else you're not a real follower of Christ and you will not have eternal life.  And the Galatians, being new to the Gospel and new to the whole concept the One True God, started to believe they must indeed become Jews in order to really be Christians.

            This is a big deal, because it goes down to the very core of our Christian faith.  Are we saved by living the right way or are we saved by faith in Jesus Christ?  Are we justified by a religion or by trusting in the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross?  The Apostle Paul taught it was only by faith in Jesus Christ.  The Jewish Christians (known as Judaizers) said it was by faith in Jesus and following the Jewish religion.  Which is it?

             So, Paul wrote this letter to the Galatians to show the Galatians (and us) that we are saved by faith in Jesus Christ alone.  No religion, no ceremony, no rule, no sacrifice, no extra action other than trusting in Jesus Christ is necessary to receive the grace and forgiveness and salvation of God.  Furthermore, Paul argues, if you are trusting in any other requirement, it actually nullifies the salvation we receive by faith in Christ.  Christ came to set us free of the impossible burden of trying to earn God's love.  God loves us as a completely free gift when we trust in Christ alone.  If we ever try to do anything to earn salvation, we cannot receive it. 

So What?  Who Cares? What difference does it make to us today?
            Jesus said, “If the Son sets you free, you are truly free.”  (John 8:36)  Jesus came to set us free from “the rules” of religion.  In fact, Christianity is not a religion; it is a relationship.  You see, Jesus came to the most religious people of his day (the Jewish Pharisees and Sadducees) and told them, you must repent of your sin and turn to God.  Now that was a surprising claim (from these religious leaders perspectives).  The Pharisees and Sadducees were the holiest, most devoutly religious people of Jesus day.  To tell them they were sinners who needed to repent and turn to God sounded ludicrous.  No one was more religious than them. 
            However, Jesus taught that following the rules is not enough.  Even if you could follow them perfectly, you still have a broken relationship with God.  Following the rules is not the issue.  A broken relationship with God is the issue.  Jesus came to heal that broken relationship.  When we have faith in Jesus, the relationship is restored.  People who devoutly follow all the religious rules are often the ones who struggle the most to have faith in Christ to restore their relationship with God.  You see, deeply religious people are often very good people who do what God says and so they may feel God owes them and should be good to them as a reward for their good behavior.  But God doesn't owe us anything and love is freely given, not earned.  A love relationship is built on love and trust, not rules and regulations and rituals and religion.
            Jesus said the first and second greatest commandments are these:  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all you strength, and with all your mind; and love your neighbor as your self.  He said all the religious laws of the Old Testament and all of what the prophets said hangs on these two relational commandments.  They sum up all the religious rules.  They are the heart of the matter.
            Religion and rules are easy, but relationships are messy.  Religion is black and white, but relationships are made up of a thousand million shades of beautiful colors.  Jesus came to set us free from religion so we can enjoy the full beauty of a relationship with God through Jesus Christ.  Unfortunately, people often want to leave the less spontaneous and beautiful possibilities of a relationship with the One True and Living God and go back to the confined, black and white (and more predictable) chains of religion.  "A living relationship with God is too complicate," many people complain.  "Just tell me the rules I need follow and I'll do that."
            It will never do.  There is no life in religion.  There is no salvation in rules and ceremonies.  Jesus set us free from all that.  Shall we then go back and enslave ourselves to religions now that we've been set free.  Never!  "Give me liberty or give me death!'
            Trying to live by religious rules is also hopeless because we confuse our culture with our Christianity.  Our culture is the social rules and traditions of the American people.  America was founded on Christian principles and many folks have lived by them for so long they often equate our American way of life with Christianity itself.  The line between what it means to be an American and what it means to be a Christian is fuzzy and many don't know the difference; they think to be one is to be the other and this is not necessarily true.  Still, people believe "good people" must dress a certain way, look a certain, act a certain way, eat certain food, talk a certain way in order to be good in God's eyes.  Yet this is all very confusing because the rules change according to where you live in this great country.  What is acceptable in New York is different from what is acceptable in Georgia.  And as someone who's lived in Georgia almost all my life--though in many different parts--I can tell you the rules are slightly different in middle Georgia than they are in Northwest Georgia and that's different from Northeast Georgia or coastal Georgia!  The rules can even be different depending on the social class or generation to which you belong. 
            Today, many so called "Christians" equate social justice with Christianity.  They say you have to do good and fight for those who are oppressed and help the needy and that this is what real Christianity is at it's heart.  And we should help those in need, but we must be careful that our charity does not become a religion divorced from a relationship with God through Jesus Christ or else it is merely a means to make us feel good about ourselves and earn the favor of "god" in whatever form we imagine god to be (for it certainly is then no longer the God Jesus showed us).  There are many non-Christian charitable organizations in the world that do good.  What makes Christians unique is we feel God has loved us so much--even though we don't deserve it--that we in turn are compelled to love our neighbor as God loves us. 

An Important Question

            As we begin a journey to understand Christian freedom, Galatians challenges us with an important question.  Are you following a different “gospel” than the Gospel of Christ?  We must never forget:  Faith in Christ alone is the only thing that can save you.´ Or as the Apostle Paul puts it in Galatians 5:6 – “The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.”  So, we will look at this over the next few weeks—the freedom we have through faith in Jesus Christ.  Do you want to know what real freedom is?  Do you want to truly be free?  Our freedom in Christ is so much deeper than fireworks or the fourth of July.  It goes far, far deeper than even America—“the land of the free and the home of the brave.”  Join me for this journey through Galatians and learn about true freedom—something worth dying for, something Christ already died for so that you I could be free indeed.

Silly Love Songs Part 3 - More than Words

Introduction
            People will say some silly things to to prove they love someone.  One expression I hear a lot these day that sounds silly to me is:  “I love you to the moon and back!”  Some of our favorite silly love songs say I love you in more romantic and musically beautiful ways.  Rod Stewart (originally Van Morrison) sang, “Have I told you lately that I love you?”  Stevie Wonder sang, “I just called to say I love you!”  And, perhaps the most unrealistic of all, Chicago sang, “You’re the meaning in my life; you’re the inspiration.”  Man that sounds good, but it's a lot of pressure to be the main person who brings meaning and inspiration to someone's life.  Maybe it would be better for us to look to God for that instead of a mere mortal!
            The inspiration for today's blog came from a song by a group called Extreme.  They sang, "More than words is all you have to do to make it real.  Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me, 'cause I'd already know."  Saying "I love you" is important, but real love is deeper than words. 

1 John 3:18

Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.

            Jesus showed God’s love by his actions.    It is interesting to note, the Bible never records Jesus saying those three words that are so powerful in our culture: “I love you.”   That doesn't prove he never said "I love you" because the New Testament didn't record everything Jesus said and did. We know Jesus did love people.  There were many occasions the scripture reported his feelings of genuine love for people.  However, we can be sure of Jesus' deep love--not because of what he said, but--because of what he did.
            First of all, Jesus left the glory of heaven to live in our broken world.  John 1:14 – "So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness."  Jesus left the perfection of Heaven where he was fully loved, adored, and worshiped and came to live in our broken world, in a broken human body, dealing with our broken political, economic, and social systems, and suffering the hurt, sadness, suffering, and death of our broken lives.  He didn't have to do it, but he did because he loves us.
            Jesus said "I love you" by teaching us how to live and survive and find forgiveness and love and salvation through faith in God's grace.  Jesus also showed his love by serving us.  Matthew 20:28 – “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”  Even though we should have been the ones serving Jesus, his love compelled him to serve us selflessly.  And finally, Jesus died for us.  John 15:13 – "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends." 
            Since Jesus loved us, we ought to love one another.  And Jesus’ death on the cross is the cue for our level of commitment.  It is not that we necessarily also actually die.  What it means is we should love each other without limits.   

Learning How to Love Others in Meaningful Ways

            We’re all different and we communicate and receive love in different ways.  Gary Chapman wrote a great book, The Five Love Languages, that identifies five of the most common ways people express and receive love.  The trick to really showing people you love them is knowing how the person you love receives love.  It is very likely they receive love in a way different than you.  And if you are always showing your love in ways they don't understand, they might not know how much you love them even if you love them very much.  The key is learning how to speak their love language.  And here's the really cool thing, knowing a person's love language isn't just for romantic relationships.  It's vital for showing love to your kids, your friends, family, anyone really.      

            Understanding and speaking the love languages can help you in all your relationships.  So I encourage you to learn them.  And I also would like to offer you some help is going deeper into the love languages with the people you care about.  I have a few surveys available that can help you understand yourself and those you care about better.  My family and I used these during a family night get together.  I learned my wife's primary love languages as well as my kids.  And I try to keep these in mind as I work to show my love for each of them.  Perhaps you would like to use the surveys too.  Click here to email me and I will send them to you as an email attachment. 

            Now, I would like to give you an overview of the five love languages as we think Jesus's love and how we can love others like Jesus loves us.

 

Words of Affirmation             The first love language is words of affirmation.  Some people really feel loved simply because you tell them.  There are some important things p eople you love need to hear you say.  First of all, the need to hear you say, " I Love you."  Now, not everyone likes to say those words and some feel that if you use them too much they lose their meaning; I get that.  But people who speak the love language of words of affirmation need to hear you say it anyway.  Furthermore, everyone you really care about, needs to hear you say, "I love you" at least once in their life.  How sad it would be for a son or daughter to go through their whole live never having heard their father say he loved them.  Perhaps he showed them in a thousand ways by what he did and how he cared for and protected them, but if he never actually said it would be sad.  So say "I love you."  And for those who say those words all the time, make sure you go deeper and say why you love them.
            There are some other things the people you love need to hear from you.  They need to hear you say "I’m sorry."  We all make mistakes, but it makes a real difference when we tell people we love we are sorry when we mess up.  My brother is eight years older than me and he was my idol when I was a child.  I looked up to him so much.  But sometimes he would get angry with me (probably because I was being a pest, like little brothers sometimes can be).  I remember very vividly, though, a few times my older brother came to me after getting angry and saying "I'm sorry."  That left a huge impression on me.  I knew he loved me when he said that.
            The people we love need to hear us say, " No."  Healthy relationships have healthy boundaries and if you love someone you need to help establish them.  Saying "No" in a loving way is one of the ways you do that. 
            And finally, the people you love need to hear you say, "Thank you."  It shows you're grateful and this is especially important people whose love language is words of affirmation. 
            Now you also need to be careful, because one sure way to really hurt people with this love language is to speak hurtfully to them.  If you get angry or frustrated and lash out or say something mean to them, it's like you are saying, "I don't love you!"  To you, they may just be words; but to a person who's primary way of receiving love is through words, your hurtful words are telling them you don't care about them.  So be kind and loving with your words--especially to those who speak the love language of Words of Affirmation.


Acts of Service
           The second love language is Acts of Service.  1 John 3:18 teaches we should love—not merely by words—but by our actions.  For many people who speak this love language, actions speak louder than words.  You may say "I love you" a thousand times to an Acts of Service love language person, and they might respond, "Well that's just great.  But what have you done for me lately?"  If you want them to know you really love them, you're gonna have to get to work.  Anything you can do to ease their burden of responsibilities will communicate your love to them and will be deeply appreciated.  And here's how you can really earn some bonus points with a person who speaks the acts of service love language.  Quite often, people don't even know what they need help with.  So, if you can figure it out and help them without them even asking, you will really show them your love.
            Now with every type of love language, there are things we sometimes do that communicate the opposite of love; things that seem to say, "I don't really care about you."  For a person who's love language is acts of service, it really bugs them when you are lazy or make a promise and don't keep it.  And it also bothers them more than the average person when you make more work for them.  So be careful not to do these with people whose primary love language is acts of service.


Receiving Gifts
           For some people, the primary way they receive love is by receiving gifts.  That might seem petty or materialistic if that's not your primary love language.  However, don’t mistake this for materialism--it’s not about the things; it’s about the thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift.  To people who speak this love language, a gift shows they are known, appreciated, cared for, and prized above whatever sacrifice it took to give them a gift.  Remember, the wise men gave Jesus gold, frankincense, and myrrh.  They weren't trying to buy his love.  They were expressing their love and adoration through a material gift.  Another story in the New Testament is the woman who anointed Jesus' feet with an expensive perfume.  It wasn't about the gift as much as it was the love she showed as she wept at his feet.  And remember, what is it that Jesus really wants?  Jesus wants your heart. 
            Now, you need to be careful because the surest way to make someone with the primary love language of receiving gifts feel like you don't really love them or care is to miss their birthdays or anniversaries, or just grab a hasty gift you didn't really think about.  A thoughtless gift is about as bad as no gift because it communicates you didn't care enough to think about it and don't really care about them.
 
Quality Time
            A fourth love language is quality time.  Quality time is time spent in giving another person one's undivided attention in order to strengthen a relationship.  One of the most precious gifts you can give in our busy day and age is your time.  People will pay someone to clean their house, wash their car, or change the oil.  They could do these things themselves, but it is worth it for some people to pay someone else to do these menial tasks because their time is more valuable than the money it cost to pay someone.  They would rather spend their time on things they see as more important or meaningful. 
            Jesus was an extremely busy and important person.  Everyone wanted to be with him.  And in a day and age when children were considered very unimportant, Jesus spent quality time with them.  When some children came to see Jesus, his disciples try to send them away.  But Jesus said, “Let the children come to me.”  Children were important to Jesus and he gave them his undivided attention to show that "Jesus loves the little children of the world."
            Now, for a person whose primary love language is quality time, the surest way for you to communicate you don't really love them is to let yourself be distracted when you are there to be with them.  It's like when you are talking to them and you're not really listening or you keep stopping to check the Facebook updates on your phone.  Or, maybe you had a date to go out with them and you canceling or postponing the date.  These behaviors are especially hurtful to people who crave quality time with you.  So, turn off the TV and your cell phone and just be together! 

Physical Touch
            The last love language I will discuss is physical touch.  Jesus often loved people with his touch.  Jesus' touch healed people of leprosy, which was a contagious skin disease.  People with Matthew 8:3, it says, Jesus reached out and touched him. “I am willing,” he said. “Be healed!” And instantly the leprosy disappeared."
leprosy were considered untouchable.  People would shun them and isolate them from the rest of society.  And even though Jesus had the power to heal them with a word from across the way, he chose to heal them with his touch.  In
            Some people just really need a hug, or a pat on the back, or a thoughtful touch on their arm as you shake their hand.  These simple acts of physical touch communicate that you care.  But it's not just a actual physical contact.  A person whose primary love language is physical touch also need you to "being there for them."  They need you to be with them when they're going through a hard time--even if you don't say anything.  Your presence is a comfort and communicates you love to them.  They need you to answer when they call or text.  And they need you to return their emails in a timely manner.  These also show them you care. 
            On the other hand, when you aren't accessible to them, it makes them feel like you don't really care or love them.  So be careful.  And also be sure your physical touches are appropriate.  Touch is a very intimate matter and people can interpret it in different ways.  So it can be helpful ask what's appropriate and honor it.  Also, consider how damaging physical neglect or abuse might be to someone whose primary love language is physical touch.  Be careful to show your love and avoid doing anything that a person who speaks this love language might see as particular unloving. 

Jesus Love You

            Jesus is the ultimate example of God’s love.  He shows his love for us in every love language.  He told us of God’s love through the Gospel and his teaching.  For God so loved the world that he sent His only son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)  He came, not to be served, but to serve others.  Furthermore, he gave the most precious gift of his life as a ransom. (Mt 20:28)  Jesus spent three years of quality time with his disciples.  He ate wth them, walked with them, camped with them, taught them, trained them, and served with them.  He welcomed little children and spend quality time with them.  He ate with sinners and tax collector who no one else would give the time of day.  Jesus touched lepers when others said they were untouchable.  His touch brought healing and forgiveness and peace.  Jesus showed us in everyway that his love is amazing and true.  And the depth of his commitment was death itself.
            I hope you know how much Jesus loves you.  And I hope it fills you to the depths of your souls.  For when it does, you will be ready to love your self and love your neighbor as yourself and love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all you mind, and with all your strength.

Silly Love Songs Part 2 - Revealed in Christ

1 John 3:16
We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters.

Introduction

            We all want to feel loved and we want to love others.  Love is programed is in our human code.  Maybe that’s why we are so infatuated with love songs.  One study showed that about 60% of the most popular songs from the last 50 years are about romantic love.[i]  In 2009, a study claimed that 92% of the top selling songs contained themes of romance, sexual appeal, or attraction.[ii]  As I was preparing for this message series about a month ago, I pasted on Facebook, asking for suggestions of cheesy love songs.  I was surprised and overwhelmed with a flood of suggestions.  It’s been a month and people are still adding song suggestions to the post!  The playlist I made from all the suggestions is over and hour and a half long!  (You can see the suggestions on my Facebook page here.) Apparently, we love our silly love songs!

The World’s View of Love

            One of the first silly love songs many children sing is:  Kelly and Chris, sittin’ in a tree.  K-I-S-S-I-N-G.  First comes love. Then comes marriage. Here comes Kelly with a baby carriage!  What a silly song!  Sadly, it is a fairly accurate description of the world’s childish view of love.  The popular conception of love is that two people see each other and it is Love at First Sight.  According to the way I define love--real love--there's no such thing as love at first sight.  There may be attraction at first sight, but that's not the same as love.  Love is something deeper that flows from a relationship that develops over time.
            The popular notion of love stories in our culture says two people meet and they Fall in Love.  In this way of thinking, falling in love is as accidental as falling in a ditch!  You have no control over it.  Again, you may certainly be caught off guard and be accidentally attracted to someone.  That is why it may be important to be careful who you hang around with.  It might not be wise for a woman and a man who are not married or in a committed relationship to hang out alone together.  Men and women are designed to develop attractions to each other and it can happen quite by accident.  That's why you have to be careful.  Again, I must point out that attraction is not the same as love.  Attraction sometimes leads to a relationship of  love, but authentic love is a choice.  We have the power to choose it or reject it.  Love does not happen by accident.  You don't fall into love by accident.  You choose it or you don't.
            In the popular imagination, people fall in love because they’ve found their One True Love.  And people often have this terrible fear they might miss out on meeting the one.  There is this notion that the is just one person out there who is meant to be your soul mate.  People feel a tremendous pressure to find their one true love.  Friends, life is not a Disney fairytale.  You don’t just have one true love out there.  There are lots of fish in the sea (as a more realistic expression goes).  There's not just one but plenty of people out there who could all qualify as your "one true love".  certainly, there are those out there who are more or less compatible with you, but there are plenty to choose from.  And your “One True Love” is the one person you choose to love and who chooses to love you for the rest of your lives.

 

The Bible and Love

            We often accept these unrealistic notions about romantic love as the gospel truth with out even thinking about it.  However, if we really want to know the truth about love, we need to search the timeless truths in the Bible.  When the Bible talks about love, it is not primarily talking about romantic love.  Remember what Jesus said?  He said the first and greatest commandment was to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.  And the second greatest commandment was not love your wife.  It was love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:30)
            One of the most common scriptures to read at a wedding is 1 Corinthians 13 (known as the love chapter).  It reads: "⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."  This really is wonderful advice to give to a couple as they tie the knot, but that's not why Paul wrote it in the first century.  Paul gave that advice to the people of his church to instruct them on how to getting along each other in church.  It was not about romantic love.
            When we here the word love, we often jump directly to romantic love, but that is not the primary focus of the Scriptures.  The very first time the Bible uses the word love is in Genesis 22:2 and it’s talking about the way Abraham loves his son Isaac.  Ephesians 5:25 does give advice about the love between a husband and wife, but it says, “Husbands, love your wives," (not by giving them a heart shaped box of chocolates, or flowers, or by writing them a sonnet, but love them) "just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”  

          Love comes in many forms and it’s not just about (or even primarily about) romantic love.  1 John 3:16 tells us what real love is.  It says, “We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters.”            Wouldn’t you agree: the most precious gift anyone can give is their life?  We admire firefighters and others who risk there life and sometimes even lose their lives trying to save others.  That is how Jesus loves us.            Romans 5:7-8 says, "⁷ Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. ⁸ But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners."  Jesus died for some good people.  (And I would argue that many of those people were good or did good things because they felt loved by how Jesus died for them.)  However, Jesus also died for some very bad people.  He died to offer forgiveness and grace and love to some people who've done some very evil things.  Maybe even some people who know one would have died for.  Jesus even died for the yong man who killed all those students at the school in Florida last week.  And Jesus died for all those who were killed.  That is the great love of Jesus. 

Dang It, Prince!

            I had planned to sprinkle some silly love song lyrics through this message like last week to drive home some of my points.  The song that came to mind for this section was Prince's song, "I Would Die For You.”  I never really listen to all the lyrics before as a child when the song was popular (and their kind of hard to understand when Prince is singing).  So I thought I better look up the lyrics so I could get them right.  I was very surprised by what I found.  These are some very spiritual lyrics that are could speak to us today!  Not the kind of thing you would expect from a pop icon famous for his sex appeal and provocative dancing and lyrics.  But listen to what he sings:
I'm not a woman.  I'm not a man.  I am something that you'll never understand.
[You see, the deepest love is not about romantic love.  It's about Christ's love for you.]

I'll never beat you.  I'll never lie.  And if you're evil I'll forgive you by and by.

[As Prince sings, he emphasizes the word "you" each time he sings this]
'Cause you, I would die for you, yeah; Darling if you want me to.
You, I would die for you

[And the song continues...]

I'm not your lover.  I'm not your friend.  I am something that you'll never comprehend.

No need to worry.  No need to cry.  I'm your messiah and you're the reason why.
'Cause you, I would die for you, yeah. Darling if you want me to.
You, I would die for you
[Listen to the song here]

            Do you realize the love you need doesn’t come from a man or a woman?  Until you realize it and find the love of God that fulfills your soul, you’re not really ready to be in a deep romantic relationship with someone.  Otherwise, you’ll constantly be expecting them to fill the God-shaped whole in your soul.  And they can’t.  At best, they’ll just leave you feeling unsatisfied.  They’ll be unhappy.  You’ll be unhappy.  In more severe cases, you’ll reach out for anyone to be in a relationship with in a desperate attempt to fill the void.  And you’ll do it again and again even if people keep using and abusing you. 

            The love you need doesn’t come from your kids or your parents or your friends.  Sure, we all need our parents to love us.  We all want our kids to love us.  And we all need friends who love us.  But if you’re looking to your parents, your kids, or friends to fill your need for God’s love, you’re setting yourself up for failure and disappointment.  If you have the love of God, you can get by without the love of these others; but if you don't have the love of God, none of these others will do.
            The love we need is found in Jesus.  He already died for you.  For you!  You are loved with the most deep and desperate and unlimited love!  Jesus suffered the most unimaginable pain and agony and death for you!  Let that sink in.  Let that encourage you.  Let that fill you from the bottoms of your feet to top of your heard and to the very depths of your soul.

Loving Others
            1 John 3:16 says, “We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters.”  We love others, because Jesus first loved us.  We are called to love the way Jesus loved us--by giving up our lives for them.  Giving up our lives doesn't necessarily mean dying.  More often, it means living selflessly with sacrificial love.  Because of what Christ did for us, we can join in with Prince as we sing to the world:  “I would die for you!”  For our spouse – “I would die for you!”  For our children – “I would die for you!”  For our parents – “I would die for you!”  For our friends – “I would die for you!”  For our enemies – “I would die for you!”  For everyone – “I would die for you!”

Invitation
            I would like to invite you to receive the love of Jesus.  He died for you. Receive his love.  Accept it.  Become his dearly beloved child.  Not because you deserve it.  But because He did it for you!  If you've never done so, please pray to accept his love today.  And start living your life for him as he died for you.
            I would also like to invite everyone to be filled with the love of Jesus.  He died for you.  Now he calls you to love others sacrificially.  We can’t do that on our own.  We need to be filled with Jesus’ love in order to love others the way Jesus loves us.  So pray and ask Jesus to fill you today. 

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[i] http://news.ufl.edu/archive/2007/05/love-still-dominates-pop-song-lyrics-but-with-raunchier-language.html

[ii] https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2011/09/92-top-ten-billboard-songs-are-about-sex/337242/