IntroductionFour Sundays is not nearly enough time to say all that could be said on the subject of homosexuality. If you would like more, I recommend the book by Sam Alberry, Is God anti-gay? Allberry is an Anglican pastor who struggles with same-sex attraction and has chosen to remain single and celibate in obedience to the Gospel. Allberry’s book is written from a unique perspective. The book is easy to read and offers an easy to understand examination of homosexuality from a Christian perspective. I highly recommend it and have a few free copies if you are interested.
The goal of this blog is to encourage everyone to break the silence about their personal struggles. Whether it is homosexuality or divorce or substance abuse or anything else, we are called to love, pray for, and support one another in our struggles instead of hiding them and pretending we are perfect.
1Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. 2 Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. 3 If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.
Coming Out of the Closet
Most people who struggle with homosexuality keep their struggle secret. They don’t tell anyone for fear of how they will react. In this secretive stage, they are said to be “in the closet.” In other words, they are keeping their struggle secret as if hiding in a closet. Once a gay person finally decides to reveal their homosexual feelings to others, they are said have “come out of the closet.”
Coming out of the closet can be very scary. One doesn’t know how their family and friends will react to the revelation about their sexuality. Will they be angry or disappointed? Will they reject? Will they be understanding, kind, or supportive? It takes great courage for someone struggling with something as sensitive as homosexuality to make their struggle known to others.
You may not know this, but there is a strong parallel between homosexuals who “come out of the closet” and the journey of the Christian faith. For the Christian is also called to “come out of the closet” (i.e. reveal to others the secrets about that with which they struggle). 1 John 1:9 says “confess our sins to [Jesus]” and James 5:16 says “confess your sins to each other”. Galatians 6:2 says we should “share one another’s burdens,” meaning we should share our most difficult struggles with each other. Homosexual temptations might be one of those struggles, but it is not the only one or even the toughest one. We are all burdened with sin and temptation and we usually want to keep our secret struggles locked away in the closet. Christ calls us to “come out of the closet” in order to let the light of His love heal and help us.
We’re Not Perfect
Somewhere along the way, many people got it into their heads that Christians are always supposed to live happy, perfect little lives and never struggle. Christians often try very hard to keep up this façade. We smile, hide our struggles, and pretend to be the perfect people we’re expected to be. This is not the reality the Bible teaches. And in all honesty, it hinders our witness. People need to know Christians are real people with real struggles. We are not perfect, but we serve a perfect Savior who promised to help us through our struggles. Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
We should expect that Christians will struggle with many kinds of temptation, sin, illnesses, tragedies, and other problems. We should expect that some Christians will struggle with homosexuality. Struggling does not mean one is not a Christian or is somehow weak or lacking in faith. It simply means you are human.
When we “come out of the closet” about our struggles—whatever they may be—we open ourselves up to healing and other Christians are able to help us. Furthermore, our lives become a powerful witness—not that we are perfect people (we never are), but—that Christ took our brokenness and didn’t give up on us. People cannot see the power of Christ overcoming your brokenness if you always wear a mask pretending to be just fine.
Advice for Coming Out
In his book Is God anti-gay, Sam Allberry offers some helpful advice to those struggling with same-sex attraction. This is good advice for dealing with any kind of problem, not just homosexuality. I offer the following suggestions for everyone, regardless of the secret problem with which you struggle.
Pray about your struggles.
You can talk to Jesus about any struggle you face—whether it is homosexuality or anything else. There is nothing off limits with Him. Jesus said in John 3:17, “God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.” You can talk to Jesus about anything and know that He will love you unconditionally. Furthermore, there is no one who can keep a confidence better than Jesus!
When you pray, you don’t have to use fancy language. Just be honest and authentic. Talk to Jesus about your confusions. Share with Him your distress. Ask him to help you with your temptations. Seek forgiveness for times you feel you failed. Jesus “is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.” (1 John 1:9). Jesus “understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin.” (Hebrews 4:15). Talk to Jesus in prayer and tap into the unlimited power of God to deal with your struggles.
Think about your struggles in the right way.
Sometimes we struggle with something so hard it starts to look like an insurmountable problem. Some people here might be thinking, “You know, I’ve struggled with this for so long and failed so many time, God has probably given up on me. I’m just too far gone.” Or you might think, “My temptation, my sin is just too big, too dark, too unspeakable, to despicable, God would never want to have anything to do with me.”
Sin has a way of twisting our perspective that way, but don’t you believe the Devil’s lies. God loves you no matter what and He will never give up on you. You are never too far gone, out of reach, too dirty, too lost, or too wicked to be saved by God through Jesus. God would save the Devil himself if only he would turn from his sins and turn to God through Jesus Christ. Surely, you are not that far gone.
Regardless of whether you struggle with homosexuality or something else, something big or something small, keep it in perspective. Your struggles don’t disqualify you and they define you. You are not a homosexual. You are not a pervert or a thief or a drunk or a liar. You are a child of God and Jesus would go to the ends of the earth to seek and save you. In fact, he went all the way to the cross for you. So when your problem seems too big, you just remember how much bigger God is and you let Him define you instead.
Seek support from others.
Galatians 6:2 says, “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” A burden is something you were not meant to carry all by yourself. Everyone has to carry their own load, but a burden is heavier than one person can safely carry by themselves. So we should share our burdens.
In our context today, this means we should share our struggles with each other. Now, you might not want to run around telling your deepest, darkest secrets to every person you meet—not even within the church. But you should find a trusted, Christian friend—someone who will listen and not judge you and not go around talking behind your back. If you don’t have someone like that, you can come talk to me. That’s my job as a pastor.
Galatians 6:2 also says that when we share each other’s burdens, we “obey the law of Christ.” So it would seem that sharing our struggles with each other—both opening up to others and helping others with their struggles—is the law of Christ (which is love).
Sharing our struggles with others and seeking support can yield tremendous results. Sometimes, just talking about our problems brings marvelous relief. It relieves built up pressure and anxiety and helps put our troubles in proper perspective.
I have seen amazing results and personal growth when people “came out of the closet” about their secret battles. I am bound to keep names and specific details confidential, but I can tell you that right here in this church, I have seen racism overcome and family bonds healed. I have seen drug and alcohol addictions conquered. I have witnessed broken marriages made whole. I have watched out of control tempers brought under control. I have seen friendships restored, shame and guilt released, and lives put back on track. And in each case, it was possible because people courageously opened up about their struggles and sought the support of others.
It takes courage and faith to “come out of the closet” about our problems with each other in the church because it seems like everyone else is perfectly happy. What we don’t realize is that everyone struggles with something and often the smiles we see are only the masks people wear. We all need to remove our masks and live more authentically. It is the only way we can grow in Christ. And who knows, when you are honest and come out of the closet, it might not only help you. It might just help someone else who is secretly struggling too. So what are you waiting for?